So Samhain has come and gone

Gone were the happy days, and darkness comes.

Who cares if I sound like a B-rated lifetime made for TV movie with these lamenting words, when all I feel now is just grief.

From all angles, all directions, at all levels imaginable.

This may be the coldest winter yet.

The goal is not to live a pain-free life. The goal is to learn to live with the unavoidable fact that life involves pain. The goal is to perhaps find the ability to still feel joy in the midst of pain, to accept that life ebbs and flows and to learn to ebb and flow with it. To learn to self-soothe. To learn to forgive. To let go. To heal. To be happy again once times passes.

Oh the words I know all too well, and none of it eases the pain that I feel right now from the intense loss that took place this year.

Who cares if I sound like a B-rated lifetime made for TV movie with these lamenting words, when all I feel now is just grief.

I wail.

I wail in the dead of the night, for the dead, for what's come to pass, for what's gone is gone.

What was mine that's now gone. I cry.

God, empty me out. I beg of you, empty me out. Help me live through this pain. Help me believe one day that I thrive again. Help me believe in this darkness. Save me from despair.

I cry.

Spare me, or help me believe that I already am.