I am going to be 30 next year

Somehow I feel like I haven't changed that much. Deep down at a tiny corner in my heart, I am still that awkward child that didn't know what to do with herself, permenantly terrified of this world. This is despairing. I have learned a whole bag of tricks on how to manage these feelings and my life has become more stable, yet I wonder how I can see clients if I am not out of this hellhole called PTSD myself.

Nobody knows what recovery looks like.

Relief is possible. I always tell my clients that. I never tell you, "You will be better." I always just say that relief is possible.

Because, I have no idea what better is. We all have a different definition for that.

I am much more relieved now than I was 15 years ago, but better is something else.