Wosh, different film realities

Saw the move Secretary on Mark's big TV--hard to describe this movie. The plot is one of a young female from a highly dysfunctional alcoholic family who cuts herself (self-mutilation as a coping mechanism). In the beginning, the audience sees her getting out of a mental institution and returning home. Later on in the film, she became a secretary/typist for a lawyer who eventually stopped her from cutting but introduced her to the world of S&M, where he was the sadist and she the masochist. The plot thickened when he turned her away after they settled into this relationship of regular S&M activities in the office, and her reactions to the rejection from him. But certainly this description does not even cover what the film attempts to tell. The whole film had a weird and appealing energy to it, and not just becuase the subject matter was provocative. The director and the actors explained the film as a dark, comic, coming-of-age story where this young female explores her sexuality and the many different faces love could have--that indeed this was a beautiful love story between two individuals who have their unique relationsip that can be viewed as odd or sick by conventional folks. (Just like back in the days when people argued that gay relationships are just as meaninful and deep as heterosexual relationships can be, although I don't know how I feel about his equating the two issues. I think his argument oversimplies the issues, since one is of love with the same gender and the other is of love with a very distinct power dynamic.) Damn, I don't know. I have to say that I found the film strangely endearing and touching and it provoked some thoughts in me and prompted me to start thinking about S&M, cutting and the issue of physical pain relating to emotions in a different way, contemplating if I should stop labeling S&M (and get the fact that I was labeling already) and see what comes up after I think about it more seriously. So I guess in that sense the film was successful with me to get me think about different things rather than being stuck in my own self-created safe little world.

Anyhoo, I don't like how the film seems to over-romanticise the subject matter though. I don't know that much about S&M, but I, in general, don't see how it's possible for two people to fall in love and not have all sorts of crazy childhood shit come up once the relationship builds and stablizes, S&M or not. I don't like how the film conveys the impression that "true love", by itself, was able to lead someone to overcome previous trauma, that somehow the existence of another person can erase the canvas blank and a person can start over again. I do think it possible that people find joy in their perception of what romantic love could bring, that the existence of this perceived compatible soul can somehow merge with us and complete and fill the void of our lives and ourselves and we will be happy. I just don't know how long-lasting that joy can be, which depends on people's maturity level and many other things. So, fundamentally, I find it hard to buy into the notion that a female who suffers from cutting and with a family history of being around alcoholics will be "cured" through a love relationship as the film portrays. I don't like over-romanticising anything more than they actually are, so for me this film is just not tight in that way. This films names the elephant in the room and starts talking about a taboo subject that needs to be taken seriously though. Overall, I like the opening of ideas and letting go of pre-conceptions to explore different ways of living and being, so long it is done with goal of self-growth and self-care. I am going to think about it more and see what comes up.

On a lighter note, I talked to Patricia, Stephen, Tracey and Geeta on the phone today. Everyone is excited about the party and so much happier since we left our old work (except for Geeta who is still struggling over there....sister, sister.) Apparently Patricia, Stephen and I are all feeling somewhat unsettled even though great about leaving the shelter--we just feel somehow disoriented leaving the team as well. We were super tight and seeing each other everyday, doing intense work together, and it's bizarre to be without one another in our daily lives, although leaving the shelter has brought everyone much happiness and peace. Man, I miss my peeps! This Saturday is going to be off-the-hook! (Even though, in Tracey's words, we are not overly exciting people who throw exciting parties. I disagree.)--well, I guess sometimes I do have an abundance of confidence, since today I found out that Rob didn't classify me as "hip" wihle I thought I was. (It came up all random, too, and I was shocked a little. Damn, how come? I think I am so cool, although quirky and lame sometimes, but mostly hip and cool just by default!) It was funny. My baby has such a strict way of breaking things down and getting to the bottom of ideas. Sometimes exasperating, but cute.

Anyhow, wrote too much already. Must retire from the computer temporarily. (I am on fire today!)