Now I see sunlight
And I am still up! Almost nine now. Still feeling good and going strong. Guess because I haven't been up at this hour and feel sober in the past two weeks: I was usually up and delirious and exhaustion most of the time, eyes red like rabbits from reading like the obsessed.
What did I read lately? I read The Lovely Bonds, novel by this woman who was actually raped during her college years. Her second novel Lucky (which I am probably not going to read) was a recollection that events relating to her sexual assault. Her first novel, LB, was, however, about a 13 year old girl who was raped and murdered by one of her neighbors and how the little girl watches her family go through the event from Heaven. It was a novel of how trauma/murder/rape influces the whole family and not just the victim. The first two chapters were powerful but then after that I was not overly impressed; the structure felt loose even though I think she was trying to capture something grand. It was just not tight enough for me. I felt like I losing steam. She could've plunged deeper into human psyche and just rip the real shit out there for all to see. Man, that would have been awesome.
I am also reading about Virginia Woolf. I am going through the book slow becuase it's not the easiest thing to read. I found out that Virginia's mom's name was Julia, and Virginia's last name, before she got married, was Stephen. She lost her mother at 13, too, when bascially her mother died of being overtaxed from taking care of her father. Virginia was then sexually molested by her older half-brother and her mental breakdown soon started afterwards. (I can't imagine the crap, living with your predator day in and day out and have him mask himself as an older loving brother while he attacks you almost every night. Holy shit.) She grew up resentful of the fact that she was deprived of the opportunity of a "real" education, meaning that she was not allowed to attend Cambridge like her brothers Thoby and Adrian. Her and her sister, Vanessa, were meant to be kept at home even though they both were considered talented females with tremendous potential. However, women at that time were meant to be more domestic no matter how talented. Virginia read intensely throughout her life to educate herself, and, as a result, showed more of a maturity than many other older writers at a yound age. Her first book was not published until she was 33.
Man, I feel such a kinship towards VW. Her way of thinking, her perception and the torment of mental illnesses. I can't imagine what it was like to live in the 1920s. I am also amazed at the fact of how much I have changed, too. When I first came to the US, I had no idea what "women's studies" were and now I am examining femininity in the patriarcal culture in an entire different and new light. Maybe that's why I connected with THE HOURS so much, too. Sometimes it feels like I have gone through a 100 year progression of things since I have the luck to walk in different realities and learn many new things. I think I will do my thesis two years from now something on women's history, being asian, and psychology.
Anyhoo, this entry is getting so freaking long. I will write more about what I have been doing lately later.
Love,
What did I read lately? I read The Lovely Bonds, novel by this woman who was actually raped during her college years. Her second novel Lucky (which I am probably not going to read) was a recollection that events relating to her sexual assault. Her first novel, LB, was, however, about a 13 year old girl who was raped and murdered by one of her neighbors and how the little girl watches her family go through the event from Heaven. It was a novel of how trauma/murder/rape influces the whole family and not just the victim. The first two chapters were powerful but then after that I was not overly impressed; the structure felt loose even though I think she was trying to capture something grand. It was just not tight enough for me. I felt like I losing steam. She could've plunged deeper into human psyche and just rip the real shit out there for all to see. Man, that would have been awesome.
I am also reading about Virginia Woolf. I am going through the book slow becuase it's not the easiest thing to read. I found out that Virginia's mom's name was Julia, and Virginia's last name, before she got married, was Stephen. She lost her mother at 13, too, when bascially her mother died of being overtaxed from taking care of her father. Virginia was then sexually molested by her older half-brother and her mental breakdown soon started afterwards. (I can't imagine the crap, living with your predator day in and day out and have him mask himself as an older loving brother while he attacks you almost every night. Holy shit.) She grew up resentful of the fact that she was deprived of the opportunity of a "real" education, meaning that she was not allowed to attend Cambridge like her brothers Thoby and Adrian. Her and her sister, Vanessa, were meant to be kept at home even though they both were considered talented females with tremendous potential. However, women at that time were meant to be more domestic no matter how talented. Virginia read intensely throughout her life to educate herself, and, as a result, showed more of a maturity than many other older writers at a yound age. Her first book was not published until she was 33.
Man, I feel such a kinship towards VW. Her way of thinking, her perception and the torment of mental illnesses. I can't imagine what it was like to live in the 1920s. I am also amazed at the fact of how much I have changed, too. When I first came to the US, I had no idea what "women's studies" were and now I am examining femininity in the patriarcal culture in an entire different and new light. Maybe that's why I connected with THE HOURS so much, too. Sometimes it feels like I have gone through a 100 year progression of things since I have the luck to walk in different realities and learn many new things. I think I will do my thesis two years from now something on women's history, being asian, and psychology.
Anyhoo, this entry is getting so freaking long. I will write more about what I have been doing lately later.
Love,
posted by Julia C. at
Wednesday, August 06, 2003
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