Life is tough

A long time ago, when my 62-year-old friend Patricia and I were having tea, she all of a sudden said, "Life is tough. It is basically tough." She said it very calmly and full of compassion, and I have since remembered that moment.

Life is tough. It is basically not an easy thing to keep living in this world. Sometimes I do feel off-centered, lost, and seldom do I feel together. Happiness is forever fleeing. Intellect contrary to heart. What you gotta do? Life is tough.

This weekend went by so fast. After Friday night's little friction, Rob and I got up early and went to Arcadia. Tracey has been hooked on DinTaiFung ever since she discovered it, and she insisted on having lunch there this time. Cris came over and we carpooled. It was lovely. After lunch, we came back here and I chatted with Cris outside on the porch. It was a very beautiful day. By night time, we went to Mark's birthday dinner at Tony Roma's. The gang (all 23 of them) came back here and sang Kararoke. I drank some alcohol and was a little buzzed. Came to bed, and woke up with a headache. I was not sure if it was due to my locked jaw or the alcohol. Damn.

Today, Rob has been hating the world since work was really getting to him. (He is still working on the computer right now.) I have just been feeling repressed.....not sure why. Watched "The L Word" with Mark; we are both hooked on the show. Man......I am so bored right now. Somehow I feel really unmotivated. I think that's the word, yeah. Unmotivated. What is left to chase? I have almost everything that I need, and somehow that makes me feel unmotivated. I must stop being motivated by pain and survival. I am so used to be run by those two.

Anyhow, life is tough. It is beautiful. It is ugly. It is touching. It is cruel. It is a lot of different things combined, and it is basically tough. I am just a lost soul trapped in a fish bowl, year after year.

For now.