Okay, I feel like shit today
Hmm. Awful. Finished part of my presentation, the next to be continued next week. Did the practicum group, and then I came home. Watched two episodes of law and order: SVU. Hmm.
The presentation went okay. I was so nervous, and the way I chose to present was so different than other people's. I did get feedback afterwards, from Allison, Susan, Maria, and this other girls that I didn't know her name. The professor said it was good as well. Joseph concurred.
Then why do I feel like they were just saying that to make me feel better? How do I evaluate success? Do I evaluate it through a perspective of being the expert and knowing more than other people, or do I value it through the connections I have made with other people and if what I said got to them or not even if I don't know everything?
I have a hard time deciding. I always feel like I am supposed to have the answers and be confident, but a lot times I don't and I feel somewhat ashamed. It's terrible.
Maria even commented on that she thought my presentation last week was amazing as well. Nice to hear that. Hmm.
I feel like shit. I feel this void inside and I feel like a failure. So much anxiety. I told Rob that sometimes I think I have self-esteem. According to Satir, a person with low self-esteem has great and high hopes for what he can expect to get from others, but at the same time he also has great fears and only too ready to be disappointed or to distrust.
Hmm.
I didn't feel that great at the group tonight, either. Feeling kind of alienated and lost. I really wanted to support S, and I think I did, but I don't know if my doing so has alienated others from me since I was singing a different tune at times. I just wanted to empower S, and I didn't know how to include everyone's opinions, especially when I thought differently. A & M had that little tiff during, too, and I think I may have butted in too much--I would never know though, until it happened. Sometimes that's just the way it goes.
I feel disappointed with the group sometimes; I miss my old group at the center--that still remains the best group I have ever been in.
Hmm.
Ai-ya. I feel like shit today.
The presentation went okay. I was so nervous, and the way I chose to present was so different than other people's. I did get feedback afterwards, from Allison, Susan, Maria, and this other girls that I didn't know her name. The professor said it was good as well. Joseph concurred.
Then why do I feel like they were just saying that to make me feel better? How do I evaluate success? Do I evaluate it through a perspective of being the expert and knowing more than other people, or do I value it through the connections I have made with other people and if what I said got to them or not even if I don't know everything?
I have a hard time deciding. I always feel like I am supposed to have the answers and be confident, but a lot times I don't and I feel somewhat ashamed. It's terrible.
Maria even commented on that she thought my presentation last week was amazing as well. Nice to hear that. Hmm.
I feel like shit. I feel this void inside and I feel like a failure. So much anxiety. I told Rob that sometimes I think I have self-esteem. According to Satir, a person with low self-esteem has great and high hopes for what he can expect to get from others, but at the same time he also has great fears and only too ready to be disappointed or to distrust.
Hmm.
I didn't feel that great at the group tonight, either. Feeling kind of alienated and lost. I really wanted to support S, and I think I did, but I don't know if my doing so has alienated others from me since I was singing a different tune at times. I just wanted to empower S, and I didn't know how to include everyone's opinions, especially when I thought differently. A & M had that little tiff during, too, and I think I may have butted in too much--I would never know though, until it happened. Sometimes that's just the way it goes.
I feel disappointed with the group sometimes; I miss my old group at the center--that still remains the best group I have ever been in.
Hmm.
Ai-ya. I feel like shit today.
posted by Julia C. at
Tuesday, November 25, 2003
